“I can’t even bring myself back to the place I was when I heard what happend to Proof. I have never felt so much pain in my life. It’s a pain that is with me to this day. A pain that has become a part of who I am.
I got in my car at 7 o’clock in the morning to go see Proof in the hospital, and he was just laid out. It was the worst day in my life. I just remember thinking, NOT PROOF, NOT PROOF, NOT PROOF.
Proof was kind of my rock, you know? His death brought me to my knees. I’ve had death in my family before - two of my uncles committed suicide - and it took chunks out of my life then. Everybody’s got somebody they’ve lost in their life who was everything to them.
I wasn’t at that club when Proof got shot, but I gather that the incident was a total misunderstanding that got blown way out of proportion. I try to stay away from places like that, but proof was a real regular dude. He hung out in the ‘hood even after all of his success, and that kind of success in any ‘hood can lead to jealousy problems. I wish the fight would have stopped with just fists. But it escalated, and Proof took the hit.
Proof had a very strong personality. He wasn’t one to back down. If you pushed the wrong button, something could go off in him. Still, he was a funny dude who wasn’t gangsta all the time. He had a silly side, like all of us in D12 do.
So although Proof had this dual personality, what I remember most is his kindness. This is the dude who, when I was broke as fuck, came by my house and made me get rid of the thriftstore loafers my mother had bought me. We’re both size 10. He came over to ther crib and was like, “What the fuck is on your feet?” Then he handed over a pair of Nikes that were pretty much brand new. It was one of those moments where I wanted to cry.
Just like all friends do, Proof and I went though our up and down phases. On the road we’d be with each other 24/7, and when we’d ger back to The D, we would take time off. Because, you know, I can be an annoying motherfucker just like everybody else. If I didn’t see him for a while we would at least talk on the phone a couple times a week. We’d both become family men, too, and we’d be busy with our kids.
After he passed, it was a year before I could really do anything normaly again. It was tough for me to even get out of bed, and I had days when I couldn’t walk, let alone write a rhyme. When I tried to put my thoughts together - well, I wasn’t making sense when I spoke, so everyone was trying to keep me off TV and away from the press. My brain was scattered, especially for the first couple of months after his death.
It’s been only two years and change now since he left, so it’s still a tough thing to deal with. Now; when I think about touring; I wonder who’s going to come onstage with me. This is the biggest tragedy I could imagine, aside from something happening to one of my kids.” - Eminem (in The Way I Am)
